“There are moments in our lives, there are moments in a day, when we seem to see beyond the usual – become clairvoyant. We reach then into reality. Such are the moments of our greatest happiness. Such are the moments of our greatest wisdom. It is in the nature of all people to have these experiences; but in our time and under the conditions of our lives, it is only a rare few who are able to continue in the experience and find expression for it.
At such times there is a song going on within us, a song to which we listen. It fills us with surprise. We marvel at it. We wouild continue to hear it. But few are capable of holding themselves in the state of listening to their own song. Intellectuality steps in and as the song within us is of the utmost sensitiveness, it retires in the presence of the cold, material intellect. It is aristocratic and will not associate itself with the commonplace – and we fall back and become our ordinary selves.
Yet we live in the memory of these songs which in moments of intellectual inadvertence have been possible to us. They are the pinnacles of our experience and it is the deisre to express these intimate sensations, this song from within, which motivates the masters of all art.” -Robert Henri
I asked myself one day, ‘If I had to write an autobiography now, what would be missing from it? What are the things I will need to get done before it takes shape?’
I could hear the sounds of childhood’s supple feet, feather light steps of teenage years, and then the sluggish footsteps of approaching years. The school days, college days, parents, marriage, children, parenting, emotional issues, career planning, separation, break ups, meaningful relationships, meaningless relationships, quarter life crisis.
All this is fine, I pondered. Everyone writes about them in an autobiography. I would also wish to rise like an apparition from the deep sea of oblivion and write an autobiography, to tell the world, ‘look at me, here I am.’ But what are those unaccomplished tasks, unclaimed parts of me that I have still not been aware of?
I thought, let me seize this moment of revelation to do a kind of internal self-therapy. Psychologists believe that this type of deep soul searching may help us focus better on our outer life. It has a deep impact on the way we function in our day-to-day life, often without realizing it.
There were some interesting questions that I came up with, when I was doing this soul searching and I would like to share them with you. I hope you would be able to identify with them and come up with some soul satisfying answers of your own to get in touch with your true inner self.
These are the questions that I asked myself.
- What is more important for me, memories or dreams? Because memories push us back and dreams take us forward, and with this conscious choice I could bring a tremendous change in my life.
- Am I living my life for an audience? In what ways should I be more true to myself, despite what other people expect from me?
- What recurring patterns cause me pain or discomfort. How could I change my behaviour or lifestyle to avoid repeating them?
- What are the unfinished things in my life that I should walk away from now? I felt that sometimes it is better to make room for new dreams if old ones have been pending for too long.
- If I took my ten year old self to lunch today, what would she think of me? Would she identify with the person that I have become in the last thirty-four years?
- Do I still have that eagerness, joyfulness and optimism that I had at the age of ten?
- What must I do about people I have hurt, disappointed and have let down in my life, so far?
- What do I expect now from people who have hurt, disappointed and have let me down?
- Am I ready to heal the damaged relationships, or is it time to move on?
- Am I as healthy as I want to be? What must I do to be physically and mentally as healthy as I want to be?
- How would I act and look at the age of sixty? Would I be called ‘a nasty old cow’ or an ‘elegant, poised and gracious person’?
- What must I do now, what must I know now that I don’t know now, to not turn into somebody ‘extremely avoidable’ when I reach my ripe old age?
- How do I want to love and be loved? What is my true definition of a satisfying relationship, marriage or love -affair?
- What is stopping me from finding that?
- When I set my goals today, do I clearly see them coming to fruition in the future? Or am I blocking it subconsciously, due to my suppressed fears?
- What am I doing everyday to improve the quality of my life, to contribute to my environment and do my bit for the society?
The answers to some of our internal questions may provide insight into how fully are we able to trust and like ourselves. They offer an evaluation of what our intimate relationships really offer us. The deep reflections also illuminate the destructive patterns that play themselves out in our lives and stop us from reaching our maximum potential. We can find answers that can lead us to a realization of our inner most emotional needs and true goals. How to realize all our dreams and objectives, and the ideas about how to fulfill them. It takes us to a place where we know how to find opportunities for self-growth and grow to be a better, happier and more aware individual.” – Ode